First Date Mistakes Men Make That End In Heartbreak and How To Avoid Them

Written By Michael Webb

Let's face it ­­you never get a second chance to make a first impression! That's why, if you want to take things further with a woman, you need to show her your best on the very first date. And in actual fact, there are 5 things that men consistently do on first dates that totally destroy their chances of seeing the woman again, and the worst part is they think they're doing it right!

Avoid the following 5 mistakes to increase your chances of success on your first date:

MISTAKE #1 -- BUYING GIFTS

Bringing chocolate or flowers on a first date isn't the best idea - especially if you've just met the woman! She's there to get to know YOU. Women are always asking themselves "what does THAT mean?" And in this case it's, "He bought me flowers because he likes me, but he doesn't even know anything about me yet! A little suspicious.

MISTAKE #2 -- BEING MR. SERIOUS

When in the presence of a potential date, men often become boring, instead of keeping up the friendly vibe they have with their friends. They won’t make jokes or laugh with the woman, they won’t play around like they do with their friends and they generally take things a little too seriously. Why do men change their behavior around women, often without even realizing they’re doing it? Because they fear losing their only chance with the girl of their dreams, they try and play the safe side, which results in a “Mr. Serious.”

MISTAKE #3 -- CONDUCTING AN INTERVIEW

When men become "Mr. Serious" they often fall into "job interview conversation mode." Make sure you reserve questions like, "So where do you work?" or "How many brothers and sisters do you have?" for the future, after you've already had a lot of fun and made the sparks fly. Instead, talk about your hobbies, interesting stories and fun stuff. Avoid anything too deep for a long period of time. On a first date, it can make things a little depressing. Talk like you've known each other for years (as if you don’t need to do the awkward 20-questions quiz.) Of course you can ask basic questions, but never make it the main focus of your date. Focus on fun.

MISTAKE #4 -- BEING TOO NEEDY & DIRECT.

Without realizing it, many guys turn their dates off by trying a little too hard. For example: Men will lean into a woman’s personal space, and ask, "so do you like me?" or constantly change his opinion to seek her approval and make her like him. Big mistake. Ironically, it's leaning back, staying cool and calm, being a little cheeky, interesting, mysterious and comfortable with yourself that actually gets a woman's attention and keeps her interested.

MISTAKE #5 -- GOING TO BORING PLACES.

If your date finds the night boring, you're finished. When itcomes to having fun on first dates, nothing is more important than what you do. And while dinners and movies are nice, it's really hard to leave a great impression in these settings. Why? Because they set a very "proper tone" that's hard to turn into fun and playful. And unless you're a super funny, intelligent and interesting guy, dinner and movie dates just aren't the best place to take your date. Instead, go to fun places like mini-golf parks, carnivals, parks, or even better, come up with your own unique and fun ideas. So in essence, while there are many factors to having a successful date, a great date idea really helps you do many of them naturally! Remember, where you take a woman on a first date can be the difference between a great night and a dating disaster! Choose wisely!

About the author: OprahExpert Michael Webb is the author of 300 Creative Dates, a book jam-packed with unique ways to help leave a great first impression without breaking the bank! To learn more, visit: 300dates site.

3 Ways To Re-Spark The Magic Back Into Your Relationship

Written By Michael Webb

Are you frustrated that your relationship doesn’t have the magic and romance that it once had? Feel like you're stuck in a rut and always doing the same things? You’re not alone. After dating someone for a long time, it's easy to slip into a stable and comfortable routine. However, you often lose the spark that made your relationship so special in the first place. Not to worry, here are three simple, fun and creative ways to reignite that magic:

1. GIVE THEM A UNIQUE GIFT Name a Star after your partner. A number of astronomical agencies allow individuals to name stars and you receive formal documentation identifying the star that you have named. Or how about this: Give your partner a magic gift box, and every month place a new small gift in the box for your beloved to discover.

2. SAY "I LOVE YOU" IN A UNIQUE WAY Take a book that your partner is reading and, using a pencil, underline letters in a section of the book she has yet to read to spell out a secret message of "I love you" or an entire love letter. Doing it just like this. Or for something really unique: You can buy special plants that grow and after 14 days display a message of your choice on the leaf. Cool or what!

3. START GOING ON DATES AGAIN One thing that separates couples with 'out of this world' relationships, is they never stop doing new, fun and exciting things with their partner. In other words, they never stop dating and neither should you. Spend the day doing fun things: go to the carnival, the beach, have a water fight, stare at the clouds on a grassy hill, go on a picnic, walk in the rain without raincoats and umbrellas, dress up in funny costumes and hit the town. Or how about this: Pick your partner up for a date and blindfold her before driving to a special destination. Try to make the destination something really unexpected like a table set up at the top of a cliff or a dinner on a boat or old-fashioned ship. It needs to be something that will have an impact when she removes the blindfold.

Believe me when I say that NOTHING can rekindle the love, passion and excitement in your relationship more than going on fun and creative dates together.

About the Author: Oprah Love Expert Michael Webb is the author of 300 Creative Dates, a book jam-packed with ways to rekindle your relationship with creative and romantic outings, including including ideas for every day dates, long distance relationships, birthdays, anniversaries and more. To learn more, visit here.

Woman: 5 Ways To Save Your Marriage

By Michael Webb

Is your marriage in trouble? No matter how bad, there’s always hope and ways to turn your situation around. Here are five common ways to help create a better, more loving and harmonious relationship with your husband.

1. Handle arguments differently Every marriage and relationship has arguments, but it's how you handle them that's most important. At Junior High School, I said 'no' to drugs. At my wedding altar, I said 'no' to fighting. Nancy Reagan's "Just Say No" anti-drug campaign was a huge success. Kids made a verbal commitment and a mental stance to avoid drugs before they were even of the age to be tempted. When they were introduced to drugs, they knew they could "just say no" and not feel alone. Fighting is NOT harmless. It’s addictive and, if continued, is likely to cause irreparable damage. Certainly there are times when emotions get wrinkled, and the natural inclination is to blow your top. I sometimes have to bite my tongue so I don't say something I would regret later (since when is self-control a bad thing?) Having a naturally calm personality has admittedly made it easier for me to think before I speak than it is for some people. But that shouldn't stop anyone from trying.

2. How to make him listen In most relationships, a polite and sincere request gets much greater results than if you yell, nag or complain. For example, the other day Athena saw my bath towel on the middle of our bedroom floor. She said "you might want to hang up your towel or it won't dry out in time for your shower tomorrow." When my clothes pile up outside of the hamper, she sweetly says, "it would really help me out a lot if you put your dirty clothes in the hamper." She was exhausted one morning and when Ashton (then five months old) began to stir, she turned over to me and asked if I wanted to "get up and have a little morning playtime with Ashton." That was a much nicer way of asking me to help her out than saying, "Why am I the one who always gets up early to take care of YOUR son? I think it is YOUR turn for a change." Athena always thinks of nice ways to ask me to help out or to stop doing something irritating.

3. Turn gossip and bashing into praise No one's perfect. When wives get together and the conversation turns to complaining about “what their husbands do,” or male bashing in general, refuse to participate. It shows that you respect and value your husband. For a man, few things are more devastating than to have his wife criticize him in front of friends. Instead, when a "gripe session" gets going, make it a point to start sharing some of his good qualities. Usually, this alone will steer the conversation into a positive direction and help your friends to also praise their husbands -- which in turn helps them to respect and appreciate them more too. Knowing that my wife refuses to belittle me in front of friends makes me love and respect her even more.

4. Change your routine of life After a few months or years, most couples get into a comfortable pattern where they always do the same things. Same dinner / movie dates, same sexual routine and same behaviors. You can rekindle some of that magic and keep your marriage magical by simply paying attention to these three important areas:

1. Go on creative dates - agree to go out and do something you've never done before once every week, fortnight or month. It doesn't really matter what you do, but it's important to commit and do this constantly. Want some ideas? Go to a winery, museum, art gallery, carnival, the beach, or have a picnic in a park.

2. Spice things up under the sheets - try a new position, technique or location. Wear some nice lingerie or introduce some new toys into the bedroom.

3. Change up the norm - buy him a gift just to say “I love you," give him a surprise quickie before work, a nice massage, set up a scavenger hunt that shows how much you care about him with a gift at the end.

5. Face your money issues and debts One of the biggest problems facing couples today is the huge amount of debt they bring into their marriage. Not only are there more divorces, couples are calling it quits much earlier in their marriage than ever before. Here are some ideas to get your debt and money issues under control.

1. Sit down and prioritize all aspects of your family budget together. Only when you analyze your spending habits will you fully realize where you are wasting money. It’s a great opportunity to talk about your goals and dreams.

2. Realize that frivolously spending money can be a sign of disrespect for your marriage and mate.

3. Take a quick inventory of all the items you own but could really live without. Consider how much you paid for them. What if you didn't buy those items and had all that money in savings instead? Would it make a difference in how you view your job, your family and your future?

About the Author: Michael Webb's latest book, "Getting Him Back" provides you with a step-by-step plan to get your ex-husband back, help heal your marriage and even prevent a divorce. For all the details, visit here

You Like Him, Does He Like You?

So you found him. He is an attractive man who you love to be with and you two have met a couple times. You feel comfortable around him. And you start to think of him most of the time. Now you found out that the more you met and get to know him, the more you like him.

But you are not very sure about one thing. Does he feel the way you feel? Does he like you too? He might not express what he feels. But you could find the answer by paying attention when you and him together. There are some sign to know that he interested in you.

1. He shows affection by his body language. Light touch on your shoulder, put his hand on your arm when laughing, and take your hand for a short time when he ask you to walk with him. They are shows that he wants to get closer to you.
2. He pays attention to your interest. He notice what you like and what you don’t like. Try to get involved with things you like and avoid what you don’t like.
3. He calls you often, sometimes for no reasons. Actually he only wants to hear your voice.
4. He searches for your reaction first when he says something funny and people are laughing. His eyes will flicker to you for a second to see if you laughed too.
5. He gets nervous and looks another way quickly if you happened to catch him watching you.
6. The very important sign is in his eyes when he looked at you. As a woman, you can feel there is something special from the look in his eyes. You can see his eyes shine, you can even feel that his eyes smile when he smile to you. Don’t ignore that feeling. It’s a strong sign that you both are in love.

Now that you know what he feels about you, you can move forward with no doubt to show your affection.

NOTE: The ability to create magic with men is NOT really magic at all. It’s a skill which can be learned by any woman -- and that includes you. To know how to captivate a man, make him fall in love with you -- and give you the world, Click Here!

Thinking of Tying The Knot? 5 Tips To Make Sure You Stay Together

Did you know that love does NOT conquer all?

You see, often people get married with the idea that their “chemistry” or undying love for each other will keep them together forever.

However, with almost 50% of marriages ending in divorce these days, it’s obvious that this isn’t the case. Therefore, it pays to know a few little secrets before getting married.

Here are 5 tips that help keep couples together long after tying the knot:

Tip #1 - Continue dating

Over the years, people often drift apart or relationships and marriages become stale because couples fail to do new and special things together. That's why going on new and refreshing dates is so important. In fact, there is something about “dating” that creates a sense of magic in a relationship and can even bring relationships out of a rut. While on a date, you also put more effort into your appearance, have more uninterrupted time to communicate on a deeper level and are naturally drawn closer together. Stuck for ideas? Spend the day at the aquarium, zoo, museum, carnival, bookstore, beach or park.

Tip #2 – Delay is often better

It’s a well-documented statistic that couples who have dated for a year or longer before marriage have a significantly lower rate of divorce than those who married after a short dating period. A year of dating gives time for many emotions to surface and many character traits to be discovered. You may adore someone in the spring, but despise him or her in the winter. Asking someone for his or her hand in marriage on the third date isn't romantic. It's gambling.

Tip #3 – Always express your love

Oftentimes, as a relationship matures, partners tend to stop praising each other because they 'assume' their partner already knows what they're thinking. When in reality, a day should never go by without you praising your partner. Compliment them on their cooking, reaffirm that they're the greatest person in the world or tell them they’re a wonderful role model. If you want to be loved and romanced by your sweetheart, love and romance them first. When they're feeling loved, it is much easier to love in return. Are you a super supporter of what your mate does and says? So do you cheer them on and praise them constantly? Or do they constantly hear boos or silence?

Tip #4 – Take time to understand your partner

Couples with the most problems are often the ones that say, "I just don't understand him/her." So let me ask you: How knowledgeable are you about your mate's profession or the degree they are pursuing? Do you know anything about his or her family heritage? Are you able to have a meaningful conversation about her cross-stitch hobby or his interest in rugby? If you are a man, do you fully understand what women experience during PMS or menopause? You don't need to be identical, but make an effort to learn about the things that interest your partner in life and you'll grow closer as a result.

Tip #5 - Answer the BIG questions

Does your partner want kids? Do you both want careers? Do they have a history of spending their way into debt? Do they go to church?

In my opinion, the biggest reason almost half of marriages end in divorce is because couples fail to ask each other the right questions BEFORE they get married. I guess people think they'll be able to change their spouses after marriage and everything will be better. Wrong. If you fail to sit down and discuss finances, religion, sex, housing, your future, and other topics in great detail, you could end up with nothing but argument after argument for the rest of your days.

In the end, if you both have completely different views, desires and goals in life, there’s no guarantee that chemistry or "I love you’s" will help you stay together. Make it your utmost priority to understand each other 'inside-out' BEFORE you take that walk down the aisle.

About the author:

Michael Webb is the author of “1000 Questions For Couples" the most comprehensive book of questions that all couples should ask before getting married. Covering lovemaking, religion, careers, money, children & raising them, household work, personalities, the future and much much more. To learn more, visit: 1000 Questions For Couples

Double Dating, Why Not?

Double dating is a fun way to go out and have a good time with your significant other. It gives your date the opportunity to meet your friends and it also can provide a comfortable experience for somebody who might be a little nervous to go out on a one-on-one date yet.

Double dating is an excellent idea if you need to meet somebody new and you aren’t comfortable with being alone with them yet. You can invite a couple you know to come along . This allows for you to be around people you are comfortable with while you're getting to know your date. Some people like to go on a double date first so they are not so nervous on the first date.

Going on a double date also gives your date the opportunity to get to know you through your friends. It might be a good idea to invite a couple that will say lovely things about you if you like your date and you need to see them again. Your date can get the idea with the type of person you're by who you're hanging out with and the things they say about you. It is a good way to get another perspective on the person you're going out with or if you need your date to know more about you. In addition, double dating provides an excellent way for you or your date to see how both of you interact with your friends and receive a different perspective.

NOTE: Making a great first impression is everything on the first few dates. And there's no doubt that fun, creative and unique date ideas really help boost your points in the eyes of women. Find 300 creative dates ideas here!

How to get appreciation from others

What is the secret to establishing and maintaining great relationships with various types of people? There are several things that you can do when associating with other people.

One of these is to make them feel accepted. According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, one of our basic needs as human is to feel a sense of belonging to a group. It could be either small groups like a family and small circle of friends, or big groups like clubs, teams, associations, departments and parties.

One way to convey acceptance of people’s ideas is by simply listening. Listening communicates the message that their thoughts are valued and their inputs are significant. It answers the very basic need to belong and provides a sense of importance, because people have to feel they belong and are needed.

Have you ever been in any of the following situations?

- While sharing an important concept, somebody would finish the sentence for you.

- When talking about what happened on the weekend, somebody would butt in and tell a similar story.

- Your boss would cut you short while you are still explaining your side.

- You ask your child about his day in school and he runs straight to his room.

- You wanted to discuss something with your spouse but he is busy watching TV

This kind of situation can make people feel frustrated. It’s as if you are taken for granted. It’s as if no one is listening to you and that you do not matter. It signifies that your thoughts, concerns, and ideas are not accepted.

At the beginning of his life, an infant can feel this sense of acceptance from a mother who touches and caresses him in a loving way. As he grows older, his sense of acceptance and importance now comes from other family members, friends, teachers, peers, bosses, officemates, spouse, children, etc. Every person needs to be accepted. It puts meaning to a person’s existence.

Acceptance must be done unconditionally. The giver should not expect anything in return. There should be no “any strings attached” or no commitments to fulfill. To expect something in return defeats the purpose of making others like you. In fact, this may only breed resentment, for it would appear that you are manipulating people by forcing them into a situation they may not like in the future.

Unconditional acceptance of other people’s thoughts, ideas, and concerns can yield favorable outcomes. Acceptance elicits cooperation and this leads to working towards a common goal. Acceptance yields positive and fruitful results. At the same time, you have raised the esteem, importance, and morale of the person whom you have accorded respect and acceptance.

Be willing to accept other people’s ideas, thoughts, and inputs. You will harvest not only good results, but also the admiration and appreciation of others, as well.

5 Tips For an Amazing Relationship

1# Make Time For Your Relationship Time and time again, people tell me my ideas are wonderful, but they feel they can't be as loving or romantic as I am because they don't have enough hours in the day. I have the same amount of time given to me each day as everyone else does. It's how I prioritize the time that might be different. Besides my relationship with my Creator, my time spent with Athena is most important to me. More important than my job. More important than the money I make. More important than exercise. More important than my friends or other family members. And yes, even more important than Ashton, my darling little son. I am not against nice items for those who can afford them and don't have to work insane hours to attain them. But I am slightly perplexed by those who work too many hours or have a long daily commute just so they can have "things," not realizing they are losing something that is even more valuable and precious. 2# Share Secrets Together I've got a secret and I'm not sharing. Actually, I have a lot of secrets. There are a lot of things that are only known to Athena and me. That keeps us close. I like it when Athena shares things with me that she doesn't share with others. It makes me feel special and unique in her eyes. I tell her things that I don't tell my friends or family. It's not like these are horrible things we have done that we can't tell others. I just want Athena to feel like she knows me better than anyone else. Make your sweetheart feel special. Always share important things with them first. Let some things remain a secret between the two of you for a little while before letting the rest of the world know all about your personal life. 3# Have Date Nights Without special time together, relationships can pull apart or simply become stale. But you can't simply replace doing nothing with doing the exact same thing week after week. The - oh-so-predictable - dinner and a movie can be all right if mixed up with some other types of dates. Here are a few suggestions: Bookstore, library, museum, zoo or park date, or together collect clothes for a shelter. 4# Spice Up Your Love Life If you find that sex is becoming very sporadic in your relationship (and you are not happy with that) consider scheduling "sex nights." Just like date nights, schedule one or two days each week for physical intimacy. Some people find the idea of planned sex off-putting at first, but later come to anticipate the weekly ritual. Having sex planned in advance makes for prolonged foreplay! 5# Get Your Debt Under Control If you want to have a blissful relationship, you will need to get your debt under control (or at least a plan to do so). Otherwise, your debt will control you and affect you physically and psychologically. When you get a paycheck, the first thing you should do is set aside money for charity/church. Doesn't seem logical, but it works. Sit down with your partner and discuss all aspects of your family budget. Only when you analyze your spending habits will you fully realize where you are wasting money. It’s a great opportunity to talk about your goals and dreams. Realize that frivolously spending money can be a sign of disrespect for your marriage and mate. If you would like a bigger diamond ring or a fancier car, ask yourself why. Take a quick inventory of all the items you own but could really live without. Consider how much you paid for them. What if you didn't buy those items and had all that money in savings instead? Would it make a difference in how you view your job, your family and your future? About the Author: Michael Webb is the author of 50 Secrets of Blissful Relationships to help you create the perfect relationship. For more information, visit 50secret.

The Ability to Be Alone is Key to Having a Good Relationship

by Chandra Alexander Are you staying in a bad relationship because you're afraid of being alone? If the prospect of being alone scares you more than the unhealthy relationship you're in, learn why the ability to be alone is actually the key ingredient to having a good relationship and a good life. 1. Nothing is lonelier than being in an unloving relationship. -It is one thing to get lonely when you are by yourself. You look around and no one is there. -It is another thing to lie next to your partner in bed and feel all alone. -Nothing is lonelier than that. 2. To know what makes you feel good, you must spend time alone. -There is only one way to know who you are really are - you must spend time alone. -Alone time allows us to quiet all those other voices in our head other than our own. For the first time we are then able to hear our own voice. -So much of the time we are busy trying to figure out how to make the other person like us; we need time alone to figure out how we can like ourselves. 3. Things come out when you are alone - that is good. -Being alone, eventually the mind begins to quiet down and things that were in darkness begin to come to the light. -Our frame of reference narrows; we become Self-referring, i.e., we look inside for the answers, rather than outside, to others. 4. Everyone feels lonely sometimes - this is natural and normal. -Loneliness is part of the human condition. It is the existential slice of life that can never be changed; you will always feel lonely at times. -Being lonely is different than being alone. Being alone is a choice that we make because we enjoy our own company. 5. If you can be alone, you have inner strength. -You also have self-esteem and self respect. Sign up now for Chandra's FREE daily email "Cutting Through to THE REAL TRUTH" and purchase Chandra's books and CDs. Article Source: WAHM Articles

How to Tell If Someone is Lying By Looking at Their Eye Patterns

How to Tell If Someone is Lying By Looking at Their Eye Patterns By Drew Lilley

Are you being lied to? Are you being cheated on? You can put all of that to an end just by taking the time to learn this pivotal information about eye patterns. NLP research has proven that every direction your eyes look while your speaking, or being spoken to are being dictated by the subconscious mind. You can use this information to know how to tell if someone is lying.

Many people make the common mistake of accusing people of being liars solely based on the fact that they are not making eye contact with them. This could be true, but most likely is not. "If a person does not maintain eye contact while you are talking to them, they are lying." This is a myth that's been around for a while, and should be debunked. Their could actually be several reasons a person does not maintain eye contact. For example, they have social disabilities, or they can just be nervous. Anyways, here is what all the eye patterns mean.

To the right- When a persons eyes shift to the right, they are constructing an auditory thought. (your left)

Up and to the left- visually remembered image (your right)

Up and to the right- visually constructed image (your left)

To the left- auditory memory

Down and to the right- creating a feeling or sensory impression.

Down and to the left- a person will look this way when they "talk to themselves"

You can use this information to help you catch a liar because typically if someone looks to the right, they are creating a lie, and if they are looking to the left, they are remembering something. While someone is telling a story, they will usually look up and to the left, or up and to the right. Try these eye patterns yourselves, by testing them on your peers, friends, or family! All you have to do is create some questions. For example. If i wanted to test the eye pattern "up and to the right" you could devise a question like this: "Can you imagine a cow with a pigs head?" This forces them to visually construct an image in their head.

http://www.humanliedetection.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Drew_Lilley http://EzineArticles.com/?How-to-Tell-If-Someone-is-Lying--By-Looking-at-Their-Eye-Patterns&id=2343327

Can We Talk?

By H. Les Brown

Yes, if you've ever in your life seen a Joan Rivers routine, you've certainly heard "Can we talk?" The question I'd like to ask the midlife world today is, "OK . . . can we???"

Last Thursday night's guest on my internet radio program was relationship expert, Kathleen Sims, and she talked about the sorts of things that go to make up a successful relationship, especially at midlife. She was very willing to go beyond the kinds of hype that other relationship gurus seem to be using (the kind of promotion that says, "We guarantee that if you follow our easy 3-step program, your relationship will achieve instant perfection!"). We talked about how, as relationships mature, the challenges actually deepen.

In this context, she revealed a startling bit of personal experience: as part of the mentoring that she provides to couples, she has several times offered workshops on communication. Remarkably, she has had little success convincing people to attend. Both she and I have had similar experiences: in general, people seems reluctant to handle the basic fundamental things that are required to create the life that they want. This can be a devastating deficiency at midlife: failing to take care of yourself properly can catapult you into a crisis situation that has the potential to destroy your career, your relationship(s) and/or your health unnecessarily. So . . . can we talk?

Communication forms the very essence of any relationship. Of course we'll have many relatives (face it: we're stuck with them) in our lives, but that doesn't mean that we will have a relationship with them. They're like many of the items in our safe deposit box: we have to keep them, but we don't need to deal with them. Some people (falsely) assume that, just because you're married to someone, you necessarily have a relationship with him or her. When imagining that you have a relationship with someone else, it's as though you imagine, in Kathleen's inspired terms, that birth or marriage or civil union has merged the two of you into a sort of conglomerate. If you imagine yourself as a circle and your relationship-partner (by birth or in law) as a second circle, you may think that your relationship causes the circles to merge. I have to agree with Kathleen that, in fact, they do not. Instead, there's a third circle that represents your relationship, and it 'belongs' to neither one of you, but to both of you.

That third circle that we call 'relationship' is not natural, it's created and sustained by the decisions and actions that both of you take. Those decisions and actions determine whether or not there will be communication. Here's the simple 'bottom line': if there's no communication, there's no relationship regardless whether you're parent-child, siblings, life partners, or just friends. You can't be in a relationship by default. You're either working at it (by continually learning to communicate and practicing what you've learned), or it doesn't exist at all. You don't have to have a court order to 'divorce' your husband, wife, partner, father, mother, sibling, partner, friend; all you need to do to have an effective divorce is to stop talking about what's really important to you.

As usual in this midlife 'game', men have a tougher time at this than women do, and in both directions: we haven't been raised to share our deeper thoughts and feelings, nor have we been taught the skills of active, empathetic listening. We too often replace real understanding and empathy - real communication - with the 'right answers': "Yes, dear," or "OK," or "Yup . . . understood." There are so many nice and agreeable responses that we men can make that feign listening. We use them in our work situations all the time. They're empathy surrogates: they're meant to make it appear that we're doing what we know we're not: listening. We know the difference. We man know when we're really telling you the truth; and very often it scares us to death!

Midlife can't be successfully navigated without fully engaging in the never-ending struggle to learn to communicate more effectively. It means learning to tell you who I am and what's going on with me. It also means listening to you at a level that goes far beyond your words: recognizing that, for example, when you're upset, it's about you and not about me. It's a life-long task to learn to extract the meaning from the words, especially when that meaning has little to do with what the words mean. The task very often involves listening with the heart and blocking out the head - particularly in very intimate relationships.

You may be saying, "I don't need to learn how to communicate! After all, I've been doing it since before I learned to talk!" Or do you? Too often, our fear and our pride keep us away from working on the 'basics', as though learning to communicate with others was like learning to feed yourself: once you've got it, you've got it. That attitude leaves many people foundering with a childish skill level in adult situations. We feel like those we most need to have a relationship with "just don't understand us," whereas it's most often we who are unable to tell them what we need or even what's going on with us. People who love us very often don't understand because we're incapable of telling telling them what they need to know. In relationships, as in every other facet of life - particularly in the midlife transition - it's much easier for us to blame others for not 'getting' us than it is for us to do the hard work necessary to learn how to tell them what we need for them to know.

Midlife severely affects three areas of your life: 1) your career, 2) your relationships, and 3) your health and well-being. If any one of those areas isn't working for you right now, you need to take a deeper look at yourself. Pointing fingers at others will do nothing to get you out of whatever situation you find yourself in. You alone are responsible for your relationships. What do you need to do - to change - to make these things work. Dumping them should be a resort taken only when it makes no sense to continue (usually because the other person in the relationship has decided not to do the work to maintain his or her part of the relationship).

One final note about relationships: don't imagine that having a deep and vital relationship means that things will always go smoothly between you. They won't. Growth only comes from meeting (and grappling with) challenges and obstacles. A 'relationship' that has no friction or disagreements is most often that way because it lacks real intimacy. In fact, I'd be willing to go out on a limb here and say that the more vital and intimate a relationship is, the more challenging the struggles that ensue. Likewise, the more difficult the midlife transition from adulthood to maturity proves to be, the richer and fuller the maturity will become. Can we talk? Hang in there: don't quit before the miracle happens!

H. Les Brown, MA, CFCC
ProActivation® Coaching
Website: http://www.MidlifeMaster.com
E-Mail: info@ProActivation.com

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Copyright © 2009 H. Les Brown

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Earn His Love by Being His Best Friend

Earn His Love by Being His Best Friend By Tina L. Jones

Once you have met the guy that you think might be the one, you will want to know how to earn his love. But can you really do that, or is it all up to fate? While it is true that you cannot force someone who is not meant to love you into caring about you, you can urge the right guy into falling even faster. Here is how to earn his love... Too many women get so hung up on worrying about their physical appearance that they actually come off as even less attractive to men. For instance, women who pile on too much make-up or dress in ways that are not appropriate are not usually taken very seriously by men. This is because despite the fact that men can be incredibly shallow when it comes to looking at girls, they only want to be serious with girls who have more to offer than just great looks. Men want to be with women who are their friends as well as their lovers. If you want to earn his love and make him yours, be his best friend. A best friend is someone that you could picture yourself doing almost anything with because you get along so well and really complement each other. So go out with him and take part in his hobbies and show interest in the things that interest him. So what if you never pictured yourself as the type of girl who enjoys foreign films? If they are something that he loves, go see one with him. You may enjoy it more than you ever thought that you would and you will earn his love when he sees that you are willing to try new things just for him.

Imagine what if you could make any man adore you, chase you, love you, and commit to you? Click Unforgettable Woman Advice and learn 77 Secrets that ninety percent of women have never heard. You have got to see this! This article is contributed by Tina Jones. Tina is part of the Unforgettable Woman Publishing Team. She works together with founder Alexandra Fox and writes dating/relationship articles for women who want to understand male psychology, how to attract men, and find true love. You can find more about Unforgettable Woman Publishing by visiting their website.

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Say I Love You - wikiHow

How to Say I Love You

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit Although many people use this powerful phrase loosely, there are times when you want to say "I love you" in a meaningful way. Whether you're professing your love to a romantic partner or expressing it to a relative or friend, it can be difficult to convey how much they really mean to you. But by keeping the following suggestions in mind, hopefully your love will not only be understood, but it will also be welcomed and returned.

Steps

Define love The sincerity of the phrase is strengthened by knowing what love is, and what loving someone means to you. Determine the difference between love, infatuation and lust, and make sure it's genuine love that you feel for this person.

1. Make it special. For many people, dropping the "I" allows the sentiment to be expressed casually, such as before separating (e.g. "Time to go. Bye! Love you!"). Using the full phrase, however, can be reserved for more intimate moments, especially during a special event, such as when a child is just born, or even to reassure someone when bad news has been received or during moments of cherished silence, like after a kiss.
2. Make eye contact. If you love this person, hopefully you feel comfortable enough to gaze into their eyes when you express your feelings. Making eye contact shows sincerity and communicates trust.
3. Say it at an appropriate tone. If you're at home and there's not much background noise, keep your volume low; don't whisper unless you bring your lips to their ear, which can also be a very intimate way to express your love. If you want to tell them how you feel in public, it's up to you whether you want to pull the person aside, or say it in front of friends or even strangers. It depends on your loved one's personality, and your own personality. Some will find it terribly romantic to be told they're loved across a room full of people; others may find it mortifying.
4. Smile. It can be nerve-wracking to tell someone that you love him or her, only to wait anxiously for their response--especially if it's the first time either of you have verbally expressed love. The best way to overcome this fear is to not expect the phrase in return. Your intention can be to tell the person how you feel, with the hope of making them happy and showing them that they are valued. Remember that unconditional love means not demanding anything in return. So smile, and perhaps give your loved one a hug. If they love you, too, they'll say it in their own way and in their own time.
5. Be creative. Say it in different languages. Write it into a poem or even a haiku. If you want to be romantic, spell it out with rose petals on his or her bedroom floor. Write it in code, like a Vigènere cipher. Say it in little ways, like post-it notes in unexpected places, and express it in every way you can.
6. Love. Don't just say it, do it. Love is not just a feeling; it's an action. Saying it without showing it is, in a way, a lie. Express your love in action as well as in words.

Tips

• Holding someone's hand as you tell them you love them can also communicate sincerity and trust, but it can also convey a sense of subterfuge, which at a glance may suffice but will quickly be sniffed out by someone with a careful eye for lies; ergo, do not hold hands if you don't mean it.
• Love is expressed differently by everyone. Be understanding and look for your partner's ways of expressing it to you; they may not be the same as what you do or what you want them to do, but in turn you may not be doing the things they want and they should look for your way.
• Love unconditionally. If you cannot love another person without attaching stipulations, then it is not love at all. If your interest is not in the other person, but rather in how that person can enhance your experience of life, then it is not unconditional. If you have no intention of improving that person’s life, or allowing that person to be themselves and accepting them as they are, rather than not who you want them to be, then you are not striving to love them unconditionally.

Warnings

• If love is unrequited, you need to be understanding and be caring towards the feelings of the object of your desire. At least they now know how you feel. It is not good to bottle up your feelings.
• Saying "I love you" in the heat of passion for the first time might not be a good idea, as the person may question the sincerity of your pledge. Follow them up with actions of kindness.
• The words "I love you" can lose their meaning in a relationship if not paired with action.
• And do NOT say it too much in a day. The one thing people can get annoyed with or lose its meaning is saying it too much. Some one says i love you and if it makes you think of how much they really do, then thats good and healthy. If its like a casual thing learn to spice it up and/or be patient

Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Say I Love You. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

Homemade Gift Ideas For a Boyfriend - 4 Fascinating Options

Homemade Gift Ideas For a Boyfriend - 4 Fascinating Options by Darlyn Burkle So, your looking for homemade gift ideas for boyfriend for that special guy in your life. Rather than give the same "usual" things, you decided that you want to do something a little different. You want to make him something, but you don't have any ideas what he would like. Here are four homemade gift ideas for your boyfriend. Make him a scrapbook Even if you have never made a scrapbook before, you will find that it is a very easy homemade gift idea for boyfriend! All you need to do is to go to a craft store and pick up the book glue, ribbons, stickers, or any other decoration materials. Be creative. You could type up special quotes or phrases that you and your boyfriend tell each other and add then to your scrapbook. Once you get started, you will have so much fun creating this gift for that special guy in your life. Make him a CD This homemade gift idea for boyfriend can be a lot of fun to make. You probably already know what his favorite songs are or who his favorite singers are , but if you don't know, just ask him. Then burn them onto a CD. You can also "sneak" in the first song you and he danced to, or the song that reminds you of him. Coupon Book A fun homemade gift idea for your boyfriend would be a coupon book. All you have to do is make a list off all the things you know he enjoys such as a back rub, or a night out with the guys and type them up on your computer. You can get really creative with them and make them look like a coupon you would cut out of the newspaper. Bake him some cookies What guy would not absolutely love a batch of homemade cookies? If you love to bake, this would be a great homemade gift idea for your boyfriend! Here is a quick recipe for homemade chocolate chip cookies. Ingredients: • 2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour • 1 teaspoon baking soda • 1/2 teaspoon salt • 1/2 cup light brown sugar, firmly packed • 1 cup granulated sugar • 2 eggs • 2 teaspoons vanilla extract • 1 cup butter or margarine, room temperature • 1 package (12 ounces or 2 cups) semisweet chocolate chips Preparation: Sift flour, baking soda, and salt into a large bowl. Add sugars, eggs, vanilla and butter. With an electric hand held mixer at medium speed, beat until smooth and well mixed, about 1 minute. Stir in chocolate chips. Drop by the tablespoonful about 2 inches apart, onto un-greased baking sheets. Bake chocolate chip cookies at 375 degrees for 10 to 12 minutes, or until browned. Place chocolate chip cookies on a rack to cool. Makes about 6 dozen chocolate chip cookies. We all know that men can be really hard to buy gifts for, but choosing a homemade gift idea for your boyfriend can be easy to make, and best of all, they are inexpensive. Plus, the personal touch is sure to touch his heart and convince him that you really care. Darlyn Burkle of http://www.I-Choose-Us.com, offers resources to show women how to survive a depression and thrive through the financial crisis. The 52-week Money Saving Toolkit helps women save and earn extra money. It covers practical money saving tips for saving on food, utilities, mortgage, gasoline, entertainment, college education, travel, gift-giving, and more. Article Source: http://www.wahm-articles.com

Trouble Making a Commitment?

Trouble Making a Commitment? by Chandra Alexander Do you have trouble making a commitment and once you’ve made one, can you keep it? In order to commit, it is important to examine the fears that keep you from truly stepping-up in a relationship. 1. Recognize familiar patterns. Have you heard the same complaints and do you say the same things? -Be brutally honest with yourself. If you keep making excuses for why you cannot keep moving closer in this relationship, you need to acknowledge that these are simply excuses and have no merit. -If there is not a gradual moving closer in this relationship, than the relationship is not growing. 2. Do you create distance and then move close after you get it? -This is what I call the “dance of intimacy” – apart-together, apart-together. -Closeness automatically conveys a sense of better getting to know another person. If you do not know and like yourself, you will never want another to really get close to you and will sabotage that closeness. -Once you create distance and feel “safe”, you will have enough space and then make the move to get close again. This is a pattern that will continue until you take responsibility for the “dance”. 3. Do not use being selective as an excuse not to commit. Both are possible. -Oftentimes I hear from clients that they are very “picky” and that is the reason they cannot make a commitment. It is possible to have good taste and still be able to make a commitment. -When you are ready and open for love, your criteria becomes more expansive, while at the same time being particular. -In other words, your compassion and forgiveness increase while at the same time you know more what works for you. 4. Does real intimacy scare you? Do you really want to know another person and do you want them to know you? -How open are you? Do you really feel comfortable enough in your own skin to bring another person close to you? Do you like who you are? If you don’t, you will never allow another person close to you. -Being close to someone, means by default, that they will become privy to your inner-most secrets. If you have not made peace with your dark side, you will always push someone away as they get close to you. 5. Real commitment comes from the heart, not from the head. -The head can never take you the distance. It is only your heart (your inner Self) that has your best interests at heart. -It does not matter how much money someone has, how big a house is offered – when the lights go down- it’s just the two of you. -Choose out of the utmost respect. Sign up now for Chandra's FREE daily email "Cutting Through to THE REAL TRUTH" and purchase Chandra's books and CDs. Article Source: WAHM Articles